


Ease My Mind

by mouseratstan



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Mental Health Issues, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25045117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouseratstan/pseuds/mouseratstan
Summary: Ben was acting insane, he really was. He was thinking like he was a high schooler, insecure over his standing with his girlfriend. But Leslie wasn't his girlfriend, she was his wife. And she loved him. Right?Nothing made Ben spiral into self-doubt quite like Partridge.
Relationships: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Comments: 10
Kudos: 83





	Ease My Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alluringpoehler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alluringpoehler/gifts).



> For my favorite writing partner j-shot.<3 She demanded I write her some fluff/comfort after I usually do so much angst, and I just couldn't keep refusing her.
> 
> Title from the song by Ben Platt, though the fic is not based off the song.

Ben was doing just fine. Really, he was.

He came to terms with the fact that Partridge had only invited him back so they could make fun of him, and that was fine. He was stuck in the hospital and Leslie, god bless her, took care of everything for him, chewing out all those nasty townsfolk even if it meant she just looked like a fool, too. 

She always stood by him, and he appreciated her for that. Having her there as his wife was getting him through this awful day, allowing him to walk out of that park that day with his arm around her and a smile on his face. He was doing  _ fine.  _ He wouldn't let his past with Ice Town bother him this time.

But then he heard their whispering.

If it was just about his own failures, he could've been able to tolerate it. He could've tightened his grip on Leslie’s hand and kept walking, ignoring the pounding in his head. He’d heard it all before anyway, there wasn't anything they could say that they haven't said a million times before.

Until now. Until he brought his wife with him.

_ “Sad, isn't it? That he managed to get married at all?” _

_ “Honestly. Does she even know who she's married? What he's done?” _

_ “Maybe she's just as defective as he is. You heard her up on the stage, talking about how great he is. She must be batshit.” _

_ “Any woman that would marry Ice Clown is insane.” _

These words cut deeply through Ben until he was shaking, and Leslie— she just thought it was the usual Ice Town jitters. She pulled him a little closer to her until they were in the car, and he stared down at his hands in his lap, everything those people had said running through his mind at top speed.

_ “How did Ice Clown manage to get married in first place?” _

_ “She must be just as down on her luck as he is. Probably another failed bureaucrat.” _

_ “Or she married him out of pity. That sounds likely.” _

_ “Can you imagine going home to him everyday, though? God, and sleeping in the same bed as him? She's probably all messed up from it.” _

He didn't speak to Leslie the entire drive back to Pawnee. She tried, she really did, looking away from the road every so often just to glance at him, a shy smile playing on her lips. She knew him well enough to know something was wrong, she just didn't know what. And he didn't know how to tell her.

Because what if they were right, about some of it? Calling it a pity marriage… what if she just felt bad for him? What if she also resented him for Ice Town, and considered him a failure because of it? She was on City Council and Ben was always between jobs now, what if part of her resented him for that? For not living up to his potential, for not being good enough?

What if, at night, after he fell asleep, she would lie awake and wonder what she was doing here? What if she  _ was  _ messed up from going to bed with him, as he curled up into her, just wishing she didn't have to touch him?

_ Oh god.  _ Ben was acting insane, he really was. He was thinking like he was a high schooler, insecure over his standing with his girlfriend. But Leslie wasn't his girlfriend, she was his wife. And she loved him. Right?

Right?

Nothing made Ben spiral into self-doubt quite like Partridge.

“Hey,” Leslie whispered, as she shut their front door behind her. “Babe, you've been quiet the whole way back. What's wrong?”

He didn't want to lie to her, but the truth was just so stupid. “Uh, nothing,” he mumbled, averting his eyes and shaking his head. “Nothing, totally nothing.”

God, he was the worst liar when it came to her.

“Ben,” she said, staring him down. “Come on, let's go to bed and we can talk about this.”

“No.” He felt like he was whining like some kind of child, as if he were stomping his foot and refusing to do what he was told. “There's… there's nothing to talk about. You can go on to bed without me.”

She rose a single brow. “And what will you do?”

He felt so stupid saying it, but it was out of his mouth before he could stop it. “I'll just sleep on the couch,” he said, and he couldn't meet her eyes, couldn't look in her direction at all. “I just— I won't bother you tonight.”

It was the wrong thing to say. Her face fell as if he had slapped her, stepping back.  _ “What?  _ Ben, I— did I do something wrong?”

“Oh god. No, I—”

“You're mad at me.”

“It's not that—”

“Then why do you want to sleep on the  _ couch?  _ What's wrong with coming to bed with me?”

And, like icing on top of the fucking cake, the string holding together the dam inside him snapped, and he felt himself falling. He collapsed to the couch and held his head in his hands, and he was crying,  _ actually crying.  _ He hated the way his eyes watered up and made it harder to see, so he just squeezed them shut and refused to look up, refused to move at all, not even when he felt her hands on his back. 

“Hey,” she breathed next to his ear, rubbing his back. And no matters the words of the townsfolk in his ear, he instinctively leaned in to be closer to her. “Hey, honey, don't cry. Don't cry.”

“Oh god, I'm sorry,” he choked out, as his tears turned into full on sobs that shook his entire body, his face burning red. “I'm so sorry.”

“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.” Her voice was gentle, and completely free of judgement, and he loved her even more for that. She adjusted them so she was sitting back on the couch, pulling him down until his head was resting in her lap, her fingers curling through his hair to gently massage his scalp. “Hey, tell me what's wrong, okay? You can talk to me. Is this about Partridge? How they tried to trick you? Because I will go back their right now and—”

“No, no, honey, that's not it,” he sniffled, his cheek rested against her thigh. “But I appreciate that.” He was silent for a moment, trying to figure out how to put the feeling into words. Part of him didn't want her to know the horrible things they said about her, as if he could somehow shield her from the pain he always felt, keep her far away from Partridge. Part of him wished he had never brought her with him in the first place, because it was his battle to fight, and she didn't deserve to be put in the crosshairs.

Finally, he spoke. But he didn't say any of that. “Are you ashamed of me?” he asked.

“Oh my god,  _ no,”  _ she gasped. “Why would you ever think that?”

But he plowed on. “Do you ever just… hate getting into bed with me? Hate that you married me? Are you ever embarrassed by my past? That I couldn't even get Mayor right? Did you kind of hate being seen with me in Partridge? Did you—”

_ “Ben.”  _ Leslie turned him so she could hold his face in both her hands, so he was looking up at her and couldn't possibly look away. “Wherever this is coming from, never ever say that again. I am so,  _ so  _ proud of you, you understand?”

He frowned, looking into her eyes. She seemed genuine. “But Ice Town—”

“Ice Town is in your past. It happened, and it's done, and you learned from it. You've grown since then. You did your best, and despite how it ended, I am still so proud of you. If I was with you then, I would be proud of you. Hell, I'd probably manage your campaign.”

And that made Ben grin, just a little, because he could picture it perfectly. “You'd probably write a binder on how to win my campaign.”

She kissed his forehead. “And then when you were impeached, I’d hold you just like this. And I'd let you cry. I'd sit with you all day to hide you from those jerks.”

He laughed shakily, his eyes closing briefly as her lips touched his forehead. “They said terrible things about you, you know. Just because you were with me. I should've done more.”

“What could you have done?” 

“I dunno— I could've punched some of them. Like I did that guy at the bowling alley.”

She giggled, and it was music to his ears. “You almost broke your hand doing that, babe.”

“But I would do it again.”

“I don't doubt it.” She gently tugged a strand of his hair. “And I don't care what they say about me. Their opinion doesn't matter to me. Only yours."

Ben still thought he could've said something, anything, but it occurred to him then that as much as he wanted to protect her, in this scenario, she really didn't need it. She was Leslie fucking Knope, and she didn't care what anyone had to say. She was strong and bright and powerful and god, he was lucky enough to get to marry her and hold her and—

He looped his arm around the back of her neck and pulled her down to meet him, feeling the need to kiss her as soon as possible. Their lips met and he exhaled, as if he could breathe again, completely consuming her. She grabbed his face and she kissed him until neither of them could breathe, kissed him until all thoughts of doubt left his brain completely, because he knew that she loved him.

She brushed the remaining tears from his cheeks and smiled softly at him. “Are you gonna be okay, babe?”

He thought about this, but really, there was only one answer. “Yeah,” he said, pulling her close. “Yeah. Because you're here.”

And that's all he could ever ask for.


End file.
